Are you a manager? Do you “manage” people in an office environment? If so, I have a few questions for you that I would really like answered:
Question #1) What do you do in those meetings you go to most of the day? I mean it. Seriously! I really, really want to know. I’m pretty very damn sure there is no work going on. You always have your fancy Starbucks latte you bring into the meetings and I hear you laughing a lot.
Question #2) How come you don’t do any work and get paid more than I do? I never see you at your desk doing any work. Your little scribble board is always full of the meetings that you are scheduled for each hour of the day but I never see you doing any actual work. Whenever I talk to you I notice that you sometimes usually always manage to say something like “I’m so busy” but yet you are never at your desk working.
Question #3) Why do you take credit for the work I do? I’ve noticed that when I do a good job on a project you are quick to take credit for it in meetings but when the project doesn’t go so well it is never your fault. I work really hard and when things are a success I should get the credit for it. You should get very little no credit as we have already established that you do no work!
Question #4) Why do you get to go to the fancy retreats, motivational events, and professional development seminars? If you go to something like that you get to go overnight to the expensive out of state ones. If somehow we get to go it is to the seminar down the street or in the next town to make sure that we can be back at work the next morning.
Question #5) What gives you the right to give me a review every quarter? You have no idea how to do my job so how can you accurately review me? It is embarrassing for me to have to go into a small room with you every three months and have you pretend to know what I do. In fact, giving your silly reviews every quarter is probably the only real “work” you do! Another thing, I do a damn good job yet you still have to come up with an “area of opportunity” every single time. Can’t you just come out and say that I do a very good job, am a reliable and valued employee, and that you are lucky to have me?