Breaking into a sweat I panicked and jerked my head up – ‘CRACK’ – on the underside of the desk, causing a lot more colourful language. Unsuccessfully I tried to pull the gaping seam back together, then desperately tried pulling my shirt tail down but as soon as I moved it shot back up, like a roller blind! I was going to have to show my bare arse whether I wanted to or not. There was nothing for it, I started to back out from under the desk hoping for a quick escape. A burst of laughter right behind me told me that was not to be.

It was Kev, the young lad on the workstation. He had poked his head under to find out what the swearing was about and cracked out laughing. Pretty soon he had all the other lads over to see the sight. The whole office erupted in laughter and I just laughed along with them but boy was I red-faced. I just raked all my stuff together and jammed it into my case and could not get out fast enough. Young Kev followed me out and as I bent over the security man’s desk to sign myself out said “Come on, show him what you’ve done.” And I found myself reaching behind to pull my pants apart for another round of laughter.

Yes, I do ‘freeball’, always with jeans, shorts or trackies, but not usually when I’m wearing a suit but, Sod’s Law, on that particular day … Well it all makes for an interesting life.